The Divorce Proof Marriage

Many of my financial coaching clients discover that getting on the same page with money helps their marriage!


When My wife and I were married, 30+ years ago, our first arguments all had to do with money.  She said to me, "I want to do a budget."  My knowledge of budgeting was limited and I viewed it as a theory that had very little to do with reality.  I had no concept of spending every dollar on paper and tracking expenses with the written plan.  Therefore, my response to her was, "you can go ahead and make a budget but I'll probably just wreck your plan."

Over time, I began to learn that a budget is not a rigid plan that controls our life.  We get to decide what our priorities are.  My wife and I get to dream together, set goals together and decide together where, when and how our money is put to work for us. 

In those early years, we had many discussions about values.  We spent long hours just talking about the things that matter deeply to each of us.  We chose to value each others opinion and perspective.  We chose to value mutual love and respect over being right and getting our own way. 

We chose to be about the process of becoming one.  As followers of Jesus, we each value our individual relationship with Jesus.  Having that in common, as we each seek Him in our lives as individuals, we find that we also are seeking Him in our life together.  He is that center cord that binds us together as one in relationship with Him and in relationship with each other. 

After 30+ years, we are still not one.  If I want to go left, she wants to go right.  We are two very different people.  As Dave Ramsey says, "If two people who are just alike get married, one is unnecessary!"  The fact that we are very different people is a good thing.  We don't always agree on direction or process.  We have to discuss and negotiate to come up with a unified plan. 

This is how we engage in the process of becoming one.  We invite Jesus to be speak into our lives as we seek to follow Him together!

— Alan L Thomas, Financial Coach
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